It’s a new season of “Million Bazillion!” In this episode, Ryan and Bridget dive into the world of lotteries after listener Oskar asked how they work. With the help of a talking stat(istics) cat, they learn just how tricky it is to win big. But like many lottery hopefuls, Ryan and Bridget still buy a ticket with a plan they think will help them beat the odds. Will their idea work? Listen to find out!
After you listen to the episode, here are some questions and conversation starts you can use with your kid listener to see how much they learned about the lottery:
What do you think about the lottery? Are you curious to play?
Do you think Bridget and Ryan made the right choice to play the lottery a second time? What would you have done?
Would you rather get $5, or risk the chance of losing $1 to win $10? Why?
What’s your lucky number? Why?
Talk to your child about whether you ever played the lottery and what you learned from it.
*Bonus* Not-So-Random Question: If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
For listeners who want to keep learning more, we’ve got ideas!
For some people, playing the lottery can be a fun thing to do once in a while. But risking money for the chance to win more is a form of gambling. Check out this episode from “Million Bazillion” where we talk about claw machines and compulsion loops, that make these sorts of games hard to quit.
If your young listener likes thinking about the money choices they might make, listen next to this episode from “Million Bazillion” about auctions.
Want to take a peek at the odds of winning the lottery? Check out this prize chart from Powerball.
For our younger listeners, check out this online game to learn more about probability and odds.
For our older listeners, try out this cooperative tabletop game to learn more about probability and odds.
Thanks for listening to this episode! If your child has more questions about the lottery, send them to us using this online form.
This episode is sponsored by Greenlight. Sign up for Greenlight today at greenlight.com/million.
ODDS & ENDS
Cold Open:
RYAN: Hey Bridget, I’m bored out of my mind. Let’s play the game, Guess What Number I’m Thinking Of. If you guess it correctly, you win a dollar.
BRIDGET: Uh, ok. … Five.
RYAN: Nope. Higher.
BRIDGET: Seven.
RYAN: Higher. I’ll give you a hint. It’s not between 1 and 10. Think higher, bigger…
BRIDGET: Oh, um 32.
RYAN: Not quite. Think… perkier than that.
BRIDGET: Perkier? How can a number be perky? How bout, like (SOUNDING PERKY) 55?
RYAN: Closer, but not quite so perky. More like a strong, muscular number.
BRIDGET: Strong? Ok… (STRONG) 88.
RYAN: No. That’s too strong. This number has a sensitive side too.
BRIDGET: Um… (GENTLER) 87?
RYAN: No, Bridget, come on! I’m being so obvious! Think of a strong, perky number with confidence and flair, but also gentle. Oh, and it’s between 1 and 1,000.
BRIDGET: Ughhhh, Ryan!
–Theme Music–
BRIDGET: 344
RYAN: No, that number doesn’t have enough originality.
BRIDGET: 607?
RYAN: Alright, that’s it, I’m not giving any more hints!
BRIDGET: 92?
RYAN : Welcome to Million Bazillion. I’m Ryan.
BRIDGET: And I’m Bridget! And We Help Dollars Make More Sense. Let’s end this impossible number guessing game, what was the number?
RYAN: 876! So obvious!
BRIDGET: How was I supposed to know that? Let’s just take a question:
OSKAR Q PART 1 Hi Million Bazillion, my name is Oskar and I’m from Decatur, Georgia. And my question is: what is the lottery and how does it work? Thanks.
BRIDGET: Wait wait, Oskar, how did you come up with this question?
OSKAR Q PART 2: Well, I saw it at the grocery store and I wondered what it is. So my dad bought it and we did it. It’s really fun to scratch it out. But I still don’t understand the purpose of the lottery and why it exists.
BRIDGET: Well this is a great question. It sounds like Oskar is talking about Scratchers or scratchcard lottery tickets. Those are one of the many kinds of lottery games you can play.
RYAN: Oooo, sounds like you're explaining something. I'll cue up the music.
(MUSIC: EXPLAINER MUSIC)
BRIDGET: Let’s back it up. The lottery is a game of chance where you pay a little bit of money and if you’re LUCKY, you might win big. BUT you could also win nothing, and not get anything for that money you spent.
(SFX: SCRATCHING A TICKET SOUND)
BRIDGET: With scratch-off lottery tickets, you buy a game card and right away, you can scratch off this shiny coating , just like Oskar said, to see if that card is a winner.. The lottery can also be games like Powerball and Mega Millions, where players pick their own random set of numbers…if they pick the RIGHT random set of numbers, they could win a LOT of money! But I think that’s really rare, most people don’t win huge amounts of money in the lottery. But like Oskar said, it’s kinda fun to play sometimes. Even if you don’t win.
(END EXPLAINER MUSIC)
RYAN: All this lottery talk is giving me the scratch-off itch. Make me want to buy a lottery ticket!
BRIDGET: Sure, why not. Maybe we’ll get lucky.
RYAN: Yes! This is it! Finally! The episode where we win the lottery.
BRIDGET: What are you talking about?
RYAN: Well, the subject of today’s episode is the lottery, which means… I think we’re gonna win the lottery. Easy street, here we come!
BRIDGET: What? Why would we win the lottery?
RYAN: Haven’t you noticed whenever we get a question, the plot of the episode sorta unfolds in a way that involves the question we were asked? Like if we’re doing an episode about taxes, we would probably meet the Tax Monster or somebody like that, and the whole show we’d be like, “Don’t tax us, Tax Monster!” And then we’d learn the Tax Monster is actually useful for society or something like that.
BRIDGET: Yeah, that sounds like something that would happen on this show.
RYAN: Except this episode isn’t about taxes, it’s about the lottery. It makes sense we’ll win the lottery, dramaturgically-speaking. So, I say we go down to the bodega- that’s city-talk for 7-Eleven, kids- buy a ticket, win the lottery, obviously, and spend all the winnings on an expensive new lifestyle, and through the process of getting rich with minimal effort, we’ll teach a wonderfully educational lesson to all the money who are listening.
BRIDGET: You mean all the kids who are listening?
RYAN: Oh, yeah, all the kids who are money- I mean, cash who are listening- I mean, all the kids who are Lamborghini- argh, you know what I mean!
(MUSIC: EASE UP MUSIC TO CARRY US TO BREAK)
BRIDGET: Ok, I think you’re a little too convinced of us winning the lottery, but your theory has me intrigued, which is NOT true of all your theories. Let’s take a quick break and learn more about the lottery when we come back!
–ARK–
KIMBERLY: And now … it’s time for Asking Random Kids Not-So-Random Questions … Today’s question is: If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
If I won the lottery, I would get a virtual reality headset.
I would give half of it to shelters and keep the rest for myself.
Put it in a bank for college, or I would invest it.
I would give it to a library
Invest in stocks.
I would buy a house in the car, and maybe a few other fun things.
If I won the lottery, I would use the money to buy a mountain.
KIMBERLY: That was …
Riel in Edmonton
Cecelia in Colorado
Joshua in California
Willa in Nebraska
Ada [AY-duh] in Georgia
William in Maryland
Alder in Oregon
This has been Asking Random Kids Not-So-Random Questions.
Part 1:
BRIDGET: Welcome back. Today on Million Bazillion, we’re answering Oskar’s question: “What is the lottery and how does it work?”
(SFX: CONVENIENCE STORE ENTRY BELL, DOOR OPENS)
RYAN: And we’ve come to our local bodega, Mickey’s, to buy a winning lottery ticket because that’s the kind of thing that happens in these episodes. Hello, Mickey-
MICKEY: (RASPY MAN) Hiya, Ryan. You here for your daily gallon jug of chocolate milk?
RYAN: Not, today, Mickey. Today, I’m here to purchase one scratch-off lottery ticket please?
MICKEY: You sure that’s all you want? Have you seen the Mega Millions numbers? The jackpot’s getting pretty high. I bet a handsome guy like you would pick the right numbers.
RYAN: Oh, well I did put pomade in my hair today….
MICKEY: Come on. If you pick the right numbers, you could win 400 million dollars! What do ya say, good lookin’?
RYAN: You’ve convinced me for the low price of two compliments. Let's go for it! So for our numbers…
(SFX: PENCIL SCRATCH ON PAPER)
RYAN: Let’s go with 1, cause, let’s face it, it’s number one. 8, 5, 16 - that’s Skimbelshanks’ birthday, 48 cause that’s how many monster trucks I’m going to buy when I’m rich, and… Bridget I’ll let you pick the last number.
BRIDGET: Uh…. I don’t really care. How bout 13.
RYAN: No! Never go with 13, it’s bad luck! How bout 31? That’s the opposite of bad luck. Because the numbers are reversed.
MICKEY: Can’t argue with that logic.
BRIDGET: Sure fine, 31.
RYAN: The lady will have 31.
(SFX: PRINT OUT SOUND)
MICKEY: Ok, here’s your ticket. That’ll be two dollars.
(SFX: CASH AND COINS SLAMMED ON COUNTER)
RYAN: Thanks! Gosh, the anticipation, the exhilaration! Bridget, if the lottery is basically a game of chance, does that make it gambling?
BRIDGET: Oh, great question. Yeah, I guess it IS a form of gambling.
RYAN: That explains it. Even here in the cramped, dust-covered aisles of Mickey’s bodega, it feels like we’re on a hypnotically-carpet-patterned casino floor.
[SFX: BRIEFLY, CASINO FLOOR SOUND/SLOT MACHINE BEEP]
RYAN: Speaking of which, if the lottery is basically gambling, how come you can get a lottery ticket at just about any corner store, gas station, or grocery store? Aren’t there usually rules around gambling that make it harder to do?
BRIDGET: Hmmm. Maybe–
MICKEY: I’ll answer that one. See, every lottery has a big winner, but that winner doesn’t take home ALL the money that comes in from ticket sales. Some of the ticket money goes to the government.
RYAN: So we’re not gonna get all of the money when we win?? We have to split it with the GOVERNMENT?
MICKEY: Well, yeah. Some state governments let the lotteries exist, under certain conditions. And that’s all because they take their share of the ticket sales and spend it on good stuff that people like. You know, parks. Schools. Veterans.
RYAN: That’s smart of them, who’s going to argue about funding parks and schools and veterans??
MICKEY: The type of lottery you’re playing today is kinda new in the grand scheme of things., Before state governments legalized the lottery business for themselves, there was a thriving underground lottery in a lot of big cities, sometimes called “the numbers game.” And the history goes back even further than that. Like way back in 200 BC during China’s Han Dynasty, rulers were using the lottery to build the Great Wall of China! In fact, lotteries have funded things all through history - like the roads to Rome, and even some things in the first American colonies.
(SFX: LIGHT DRUM AND FIFE TO INDICATE COLONIAL FEEL)
RYAN: Well, when we win the jackpot, I’ll request that the excess money go to cat shelters, because I love ALL cats-
(SFX: ANGRY CAT HISS)
BRIDGET/RYAN: Ahhhhh! / BLACK CAT!
RYAN: So unlucky!
MICKEY: Oh, don’t mind him. That’s just the bodega cat, Oddsball!
ODDSBALL: (SNOTTY) You’re not gonna win that jackpot.
BRIDGET: Whaaaa? Did that cat just talk?
ODDSBALL: Mmmmyes! And I’ve studied the possibilities, probabilities, and permutations of many games of chance, and you’re not taking home a penny today. Guessing just one number out of 50 is hard enough. Guessing six? Unfathomable.
RYAN: You’re just a cat! How would you know anything about lottery pastabilities?
MICKEY: Don’t let the fact he’s a cat fool you. Oddsball is pretty smart at calculating the odds.
ODDSBALL: That’s because as a master of statistics, I’ve studied how numbers and data can be used to make predictions And as a black cat, I’ve learned, there is no such thing as bad luck! There are only human brains too feeble-minded to realize the lottery is a hopeless pipe dream, a castle in the sky, a never-ending yarn ball!
BRIDGET: But what makes you say that? How hard is it to win the lottery?
ODDSBALL: Let me show you.
(SFX: COIN FLIPPING AND LANDING ON TABLE)
ODDSBALL: Here, try to flip that coin. There’s a 50/50 chance it will be heads or tails, right?
BRIDGET: Yeaaaah.
(SFX: COIN FLIP, CATCH)
BRIDGET: And I just got heads.
ODDSBALL: Great! Now do that 28 times in a row!
BRIDGET: Uh, that seems unlikely. It’s gonna be tails at some point.
ODDSBALL: Exactly! The chances of winning the grand prize in the Mega Millions or Powerball is one in 300 million,, the same odds as flipping heads on a coin 28 times in a row.
BRIDGET: Oooo, lemme try again.
(SFX: COIN FLIP, CATCH)
BRIDGET: (GASP) HEADS! I’m on a hot streak! Now that I've done it twice, I bet it’s way more likely I hit it a third time.
ODDSBALL: HA! That’s what you think! But there is no such thing as a “hot streak.” Everytime you flip that coin, it's the exact same odds that you started with, 50/50.
BRIDGET: Let me try again.
(SFX: COIN FLIP, CATCH)
BRIDGET: Darn it! Tails. Oh well.
ODDSBALL: Think of it this way. You have a one in 300 million chance of winning the lottery. A one in ten thousand chance of finding a pearl in an oyster.Or a one in four thousand chance of getting injured on the toilet.
RYAN: Aha!! I’ll have you know, I once was injured on the toilet!
BRIDGET: Really? What happened?
RYAN: (LONG PAUSE) I don’t wanna talk about it.
BRIDGET: Ok, so, Oddball--
ODDSBALL: My name is not Oddball! It’s Oddsball! There’s nothing odd about me at all. I just like rubbing my face against this potted plant, it’s not weird!
BRIDGET: Ok, Oddsball, is there any way to game the system and increase your chances of winning?
ODDSBALL: (SCOFFS) NO. There is no way to “game the system”, for there is no system but chaos!
BRIDGET: But wait a minute, I once played the lottery and won five dollars! So I know for a fact, it can happen.
ODDSBALL: Oh, you won $5 dollars once? Congratulations, you fell for the oldest trick in the book: letting a much-smaller, easier-to-win lottery prize give you hope that it was possible to win a humongous lottery prize. But the lottery does this little trick on purpose! To make you THINK you could keep winning! But you won’t win! In our cold, cruel and random universe, the lottery is an infinitesimally small pinprick of light that gives hope to only the most illogical amongst us.
BRIDGET: So…. you’re saying there’s a chance.
RYAN: Hey, they’re about to announce the winning lottery numbers! Quiet down, Oddball!,
ODDSBALL: (FRUSTRATED) Guuuhhooo! My name isn’t Oddball! I’m not odd! I’m a totally normal cat who is an expert at studying odds! Why aren’t you getting that? Now excuse me while I lick my own fur clean.
[SFX CAT NOISILY CLEANING SELF]
BRIDGET: Shhh shhh! Everybody quiet!
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) And now tonight’s winning lottery numbers, chosen at random from a big machine that blows around numbers printed on ping pong balls. Tonight’s winning numbers are: 15, 34, 38, 12, 25, and 41.
RYAN: Okay, let me check our ticket.
(SFX: SMALL TICKET UNFOLDING)
RYAN: No. No. No. No. No. And no. Awwww nuts!
ODDSBALL: I don’t like being the cat who says, “Toldja so,” but pretty sure I toldja so.
RYAN: I don’t understand! Today’s question set us up perfectly to win the lottery! That’s what should happen in this episode, dramaturgically!
BRIDGET: I know, you had me believing it would happen. (sigh) Let’s just get out of this bodega and regroup and figure out a different plan of attack for this episode.
RYAN: You’re right, we need a break. We’ll learn more about the lottery right after this.
– MIDROLL –
Part 2:
(SFX: INSIDE A CAR WHILE DRIVING)
RYAN: Welcome back to Million Bazillion, today’s show is all about the lottery. Yesterday, we tried to win the lottery and met this really odd cat who told us the probability of winning the lottery is incredibly low, but still- there’s no way this episode can end without us winning it, right?
BRIDGET: Which is why we’re gonna try playing again today, but with some help. We’re heading to my grandma’s house to get some advice. My Grammy Gracie has played the lottery for the last 40 years, so if anyone has a system down, it’s probably her.
RYAN: Your Grammy Gracie plays the lottery?
(SFX: WALKING ON GRAVEL)
BRIDGET: Yeah, she’s one of the one in eight Americans who buys a lotto ticket every week…
aaaaand we’re here.
(SFX: CAR STOPS, CAR DOORS OPEN AND SHUT, DOORBELL RINGS, DOOR OPENS)
GRACIE: Bridget! Ryan! What an unexpected surprise!
BRIDGET: Hi, Grammy, how are-
RYAN: (FAST) Hi-Gracie-Smells-good-in-here-you-look-terrific. Can you help us win the lottery?
GRACIE: The lottery? Why, you’re just in time. I got a few friends over and we’re working on just that.
(SFX: FADE UP SOUND OF FULL ROOM OF PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(SFX: PARTY MUSIC)
BRIDGET: Whoa. Who are all these people?
GRACIE: This is my Pickleball club from the YMCA. We’re buying up a couple hundred tickets for tomorrow’s huge jackpot. If one of us wins, we’ll split prize money amongst us.
BIANCA: Bridget!
BRIDGET: Oh, it’s grammy’s friend, Bianca. Hi, Bianca!
BIANCA: And Ryan, you tall drink of water. It’s about time you came back around these parts.
RYAN: Bianca! I promised I’d return to you and I’m a man of my word!
BIANCA: You want in on our lottery pool?
BRIDGET: Yes! We definitely want in on this! I’ve heard about this kind of thing. Big groups buying tickets together, winning and splitting the jackpot evenly. More tickets means better chances!
RYAN: Yes, that must be what this episode is about: Sharing! To win, we have to be willing to split the money with others, because, you know, sharing is caring! This is what we should’ve done from the beginning. It makes more sense, dramaturgically. Bianca, what’s the buy in?
BIANCA: Well, we’re all buying 20 tickets each. That should get us around 500 tickets, which increases our chances of winning from a mere 1 in 300 million to a less daunting 1 in 600 thousand.
BRIDGET: Wow, from 1 in 300 million to one in 600 thousand. Uh, those are still pretty tough odds.
GRACIE: Oh, but this jackpot is up to $500 million dollars. We have to try! Even split between 25 or so people, it’s still a pretty big payday.
BRIDGET: $500 million?Milly Bazilly, When we played yesterday it was only 400 million!
BIANCA: Well, no one won yesterday! If no one wins, the big jackpot of money just rolls over from day to day, getting bigger and bigger. And no one has won in a while!
BRIDGET: Wow, so millions of people are playing but no one’s winning…
RYAN: [CONCERNED] That kinda makes it seem like winning is really unlikely…[TRAILS OFF, TONE SWITCH] Oh well, I hope we win!
VIOLET: Be careful what you wish for. That’s all I’d say
BRIDGET: Oh, hey! It’s grammy’s other friend, Violet. Are you here to enter the lottery pool too?
VIOLET: No, I won the lottery a long time ago. And it wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
(SFX: ROOM QUIETS DOWN TO ZERO AMBI CHATTER)
VIOLET: In fact, I’m a victim of the… Lottery curse.
(MUSIC: SCARY STING/LIGHTNING STRIKE)
(MUSIC: SPOOKY MUSIC BED UNDERNEATH)
RYAN: The lottery c-c-c-cu-curse? What do you mean by lottery curse, Violet? Oh, hi by the way.
VIOLET: Oh, the lottery curse isn’t a real curse…
(END SCARY MUSIC)
RYAN: Phew.
VIOLET: … but rather a series of very real life complications which can befall lottery winners…. Like me. Almost 30 years ago. I won a $1 million dollar jackpot.
RYAN: So you’re a millionaire?
(MUSIC SAD VIOLIN MUSIC)
VIOLET: Was a millionaire. But not for long. Nearly a quarter of the jackpot went to taxes before I ever saw a penny. When I finally did get my lottery money, I quit my day job, thinking the money would last forever. Instead of saving for, say, a retirement fund, I put money into foolish purchases- Like a pizza oven in my kitchen with a chimney and everything. And I only made pizza in it… once. Out of the woodwork came long-lost relatives requesting loans, a friend of a cousin of a boyfriend of a husband with a portfolio of bad investment opportunities in dotcoms, start ups and Beanie Babies. Everyone was asking for a piece. If I said yes, it meant losing my money bit-by-bit. If I said no, sometimes I’d lose a friend. I thought money would be the answer to all my problems. But, in some ways, it created more. With no show like Million Bazillion to teach me wise savings habits, I blew through that lottery money in a few years and found myself lonelier at the end, Wishing I could have my old life back.
(END SAD MUSIC)
BRIDGET: Wow, Violet. I’m sorry that happened to you.
RYAN: Yeah, Violet. (BEAT) It would still be pretty cool to win the lottery though.
BIANCA: (DISMISSIVE) Ahhhh, Violet loves to tell her rags to riches to rags tale. But we’re not gonna fall into those same traps when we win.
VIOLET: Okie dokie, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
GRACIE: On that note, we better get down to Mickey’s bodega and buy our tickets. They’re gonna announce the winning numbers soon.
(SFX: HUBUB IN THE ROOM)
BIANCA: Yeah, let’s go everybody!
RYAN: Yeah, let’s go win that lottery!
(SFX: CAR TIRE PEEL OUT)
(MUSIC: TRANSITION MUSIC)
(SFX: CONVENIENCE STORE ENTRY BELL, DOOR OPENS, CROWD OF PEOPLE ENTER)
MICKEY: Hey, what are you all doing in my store?
GRACIE: (RUSHED) We’re here as a group to buy 500 lottery tickets.
RYAN: (RUSHED) That includes us, Mickey. We’re a part of that group.
BIANCA: (RUSHED) Here are the numbers we want.
MICKEY: You're cutting it pretty close. They’re announcing the numbers in a few minutes.
BRIDGET: (RUSHED) Well, you better get printing those tickets fast, Mickey!
MICKEY: Ok, ok.
(SFX: TICKET PRINTING STARTS AND MAINTAINS IN BACKGROUND)
ODDSBALL: Too bad you’re all gonna lose.
RYAN/BRIDGET: AH! / BLACK CAT!
RYAN: SO UNLUCKY!
(SFX: DRAMATIC CUE)
RYAN: Oddsball! What are you doing here?
ODDSBALL: I never left. I wanted to be here to see your faces when the second part of your pathetic plan fails.
BIANCA: Ugh, what’s this black cat doing? Trying to ruin our luck?
BRIDGET: No, this cat isn’t bad luck. It’s just Oddball.
ODDSBALL: Ugh! My name is Oddsball! There’s nothing odd about me! I’m just a very well-educated cat who can’t currently find work in the world of statistical analysis, so I mostly hang around this bodega! Sure, sometimes, once I dragged a dead mouse into the store and that’s upset customers. But it’s not really that odd when you think about it- (CUT OFF)
(SFX: END PRINTING SOUND)
MICKEY: OK, your tickets are all printed up.
GRACIE: And good thing! They’re about to announce the winning numbers. Quiet everyone!
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) And now time for the winning numbers of tonight’s $500 million dollar lottery jackpot.
BIANCA: I have the spreadsheet here with every configuration of numbers we guessed. If there’s a winner in our batch of 500 tickets, I’ll be the first to know it.
BRIDGET: Oh, man! I’m so excited, I think I’m gonna be sick!
(MUSIC: VERY SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) The first number is 35.
(SFX: TYPING)
BIANCA: Ok, 62 of our tickets start with that number! We’re off to a good start!
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) 20. 43…
(SFX: TYPING)
BIANCA: Ok, we’re down to only 5 tickets with all three of those numbers. But we’re halfway through.
ODDSBALL: You’re not gonna make it.
EVERYBODY: Shush!
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) 3. 41.
(SFX: TYPING)
BIANCA: Guys, we have one ticket with all five of those numbers!
BRIDGET: And just one winning number left to announce.
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO) And the final winning number is….
EVERYONE: (INHALES DEEPLY)
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO): Something we’ll reveal right after this break.
EVERYONE: (GROANS IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
ODDSBALL: I knew they were gonna do that.
-mini-seg-WOULD YOU RATHER-
Part 3:
LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH RADIO): Welcome back, and the final winning lottery number for tonight’s $500 million dollar jackpot is … 13.
BRIDGET: Bianca! Is 13 the final number on that ticket?!
(BEAT)
BIANCA: No. it’s 31.
EVERYONE: (GROANS OF DISAPPOINTMENT)
RYAN: (FUMING) What?! We were supposed to WIN! That was the ending that made sense, drama-wise! Now, we’re not rich and this episode is dramaturgically unsound!
ODDSBALL: Look. I don’t like being the cat who says, “Toldja so.”
RYAN: No, you clearly do like being the cat who says, “Toldja so.” You’ve said it, like, fifty times. It’s like your catchphrase.
GRACIE: Dang, we were so close! Oh well, I guess we’ll try again next week.
RYAN: What do you mean “next week”? What about today? Why aren’t you more upset?
GRACIE: Awww, we knew we weren’t gonna win. The lottery is just something we do to have fun together.
ODDSBALL: Yeah, it’s about as much fun as flushing money down the toilet!
BRIDGET: Not now, Oddball!
ODDSBALL: Ok, I’ll go to my little corner of the store and say no more! But just remember, I was right! The lottery is very hard to win!... (GETTING MORE DISTANT) And also, I’m not odd! I’m just a regular non-bad-luck-bringing black cat.
BRIDGET: Well, what did we learn about the lottery from all this?
RYAN: Nothing. Episode over. The end. Do the credits with the (MAKES TRUMPET NOISE)
BRIDGET: No, no. we learned…
(MUSIC: CONCLUSION MUSIC)
BRIDGET: The lottery is a game of chance that people can play in some states, though you have to be a grownup to buy a ticket. For players, it’s the chance to hopefully win big, for just a few dollars. But you might also win nothing at all, and have nothing to show for the money you spent. When it comes to the math of it all, you’re really unlikely to win a big jackpot. And also, remember, money won’t solve all your problems. That doesn’t stop some people from dreaming that a big win could change their lives, no matter how small that chance of winning is. So if your grown ups say it’s okay, have fun scratching every once in a while. But to all the million bazillionaires listening, make sure you’ve got another plan to grow your money, okay?
(END RECAP MUSIC)
RYAN: And at least some of the money goes to things like schools and veterans and all that.
BRIDGET: Good point So maybe it’s OK to play the lottery. As long as you don’t spend too much of your hard earned money on it.
(SFX: FADE UP CROWDED STORE AMBIENCE)
BIANCA: Hey, I got an idea. Instead of buying lottery tickets for the rest of the week. How bout we all get some slushies today!
(SFX: EVERYONE CHEERS, SFX SLUSHIES BEING POURED)
RYAN: Yeah! I could go for a delicious cup of flavored ice sludge to ease the disappointment. (DRINKS SLUSHIE)
ODDSBALL: If you drink it that fast, odds are you’ll get a brainfreeze!
RYAN: Argghh! Go away!.... Ow, my head!
ODDSBALL: I don’t wanna say I toldja so!
–Theme Music-
Credits
RYAN: Alright, that’s it for *this episode of Million Bazillion! Thanks for listening! If you’ve got a money question you want us to answer, send it to us at our website! That’s Marketplace dot org slash million! Oh hey, I just found my scratchers ticket from the other morning in my pocket.
BRIDGET: Oh, here’s a penny, give it a scratch and see if you won. And listeners, how about signing up for the Million Bazillion newsletter? Odds are, you’re gonna love it, because when we’re in season, we send you tipsheets for each episode as they’re released, and they have really great conversation starters for kids and parents who want to keep talking about the topic of our episode.
RYAN: Bridget! I won $5! This episode DOES make sense! Dramaturgically speaking!
BRIDGET: Oh wow! I knew we could do it!
RYAN: Million Bazillion is brought to you by Marketplace, from American Public Media. This episode was written and hosted by me, Ryan Perez and Bridget Bodnar. Our lucky numbers by the way are 32 and 4.
BRIDGET: You heard some very special performances from: Drew Jostad, Kameisha Duncan, Mary Brancaccio, Sabri Ben Achour, Jay Siebold.
RYAN: No idea what their lucky numbers are. But Million Bazillion’s editor is Jasmine Romero. Her lucky number is 13.
BRIDGET: Turns out 4 is also Courtney Berserker's lucky number, she is our producer
RYAN: We also had production help from Minju Park and Zoha Malik [MULL-ick]. Their lucky numbers are 12 and 27. And Marissa Cabrera is our senior producer, lucky number 8.
BRIDGET: Sam Bair sound designed this episode. He says his lucky number is 6.
With mixing by Bekah Wineman, her lucky number is zero nine three.
Our theme music was created by Wonderly.
RYAN: Bridget Bodnar is the Director of Podcasts at Marketplace.
Francesca Levy is the Executive Director of Digital. Her lucky number is 23 OR SO SHE CLAIMS…
Neal Scarbrough, lucky number 29 is the VP and General Manager.
BRIDGET: Million Bazillion is funded in part by the Sy Syms Foundation, partnering with organizations and people working for a better and more just future since 1985. And special thanks to The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance for providing the start-up funding for this podcast, and continuing to support Marketplace in our work to make younger audiences smarter about the economy.
RYAN: If Million Bazillion is helping your family have important conversations about money, consider making a one-time donation today at marketplace-dot-org-slash-givemillion, and thanks for your support.
The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance, supports Marketplace’s work to make younger audiences smarter about the economy. Next Gen Personal Finance is a non-profit that believes all students benefit from having a financial education before they cross the stage at high school graduation.
Greenlight is a debit card and money app for kids and teens. Through the Greenlight app, parents can transfer money, automate allowance, manage chores, set flexible spend controls and invest for their kids’ futures (parents can invest on the platform too!) Kids and teens learn to earn, save, spend wisely, give and invest with parental approval. Our mission is to shine a light on the world of money for families and empower parents to raise financially-smart kids. We aim to create a world where every child grows up to be financially healthy and happy. Today, Greenlight serves 5 million+ parents and kids, helping them learn healthy financial habits, collectively save more than $350 million to-date and invest more than $20 million.
The Sy Syms Foundation: Partnering with organizations and people working for a better and more just future since 1985.
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